Despite having many clients through my door struggling with low self esteem and confidence I had not personally given it much thought of how much I owe to my parents for establishing a healthy and overflowing level of worth and self esteem for myself.
Much of the personal development work I do with clients takes them back to childhood. I currently have 5 men and women who had trauma from childhood in the way they were treated by their parents and a need for rebuilding self esteem.
Self esteem is how we value ourselves, our worth in the world and how we compare ourselves to others. It becomes our point of reference; one in which we see the world through.
It is not about being told you are perfect and actions leading to an inflated ego, entitlement and superiority. We can probably all think of someone who bares these traits and this is the other extreme. A subject for another day.
Low self esteem develops from someone constantly chipping away at your confidence. From someone regularly criticising, judging and saying you are not doing something well. It comes from parents who themselves were not loved .A boss, parent, teacher or spouse may come to mind. It is a form of abuse and very damaging.
Having made the connection of the actions my parents took with encouragement, support,positivity and honesty; when I sit and hear the situations of some of my clients it becomes heart breaking. More so because I have my own child.
And this is the thing - often we repeat the past. My partner had a horrible man of a father and repeats some of his traits.We often repeat the experiences we had and were shown as children. My first hand experience of being constantly criticised and put down by him over the last few years got me down but it did not break me. Luckily because I had such a healthy base and foundation of being told to go for it and encouraged and praised, my self worth stayed firmly in tact. I feel grateful for this and understand that I am the perfect person to teach others how to stop emotional abuse and refuse it as I did and will continue to do. When we do not hold the experience of how it feels to be supported, encouraged and adored it can be harder to recognise that it is the norm not the exception.
I plan to document my own journey and those of other separated parents along the way. And why? To work to change the stigma of solo parents and my sense is many people are in unhealthy relationships that need a direct conversation and changes to happen or to get the hell out.If it is something you wish to collaborate with me please be in touch.
Staying in any situation that does not make us feel well is crazy, despite how frightening or painful the change ahead looks or feels.
With time and healing I can confidently say you can build your self esteem, self worth and how you value yourself back up. I have many success stories with clients and it a real honour to accompany them on that journey.
Email me for a free consultation call if you recognise some the struggles for yourself.
To our being well x